Go Hoos! Beat those Terps!

While this chant could be heard coming from any devoted wahoo's mouth, on any given day if asked about their rivalry with Maryland - it will be the battle cry of some 60,000+ UVA fans piling into Scott's Stadium this October 13th, 2012. That's right - the ACC finally announced the schedule for this coming fall and UVA does have a home game on our wedding day.

I am incredibly disappointed.
Yesterday I was heart broken. Today I'm incredibly disappointed. Maybe by Friday I'll just be bummed, but for now I'm content wallowing in my disappointment.

Let me say all these things first: I know it will all be okay. I know that its not the end of the world. I know that everything will work out. I know that Javier and I will have a wonderful and joy filled day despite the game. I know that the most important thing is that I get to marry the most amazing man in the world and this silly football does not affect that. I know all these things.

Now - wallowing.

I think I'm going to blame society (everyone else does - so why can't I?). This sounds silly, but there is a lot of pressure on brides to be extremely happy. The wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of our lives (and I still think it will be), but there seems to be an expectation that this joy oozes out onto everything wedding related prior to the big day. That you will be super excited about every flower in your bouquet. And I will fully admit that I got totally wrapped up in it too. I knew going in that planning would be stressful at times - but I'm realizing now, that I also thought that after making those hard decisions, everything would be sunshine and rainbows regarding that aspect of the wedding. That while the decision was hard - it of course would end up being exactly what I always wanted.

But every option is not within budget. And vendors book up. Certain foods or flowers aren't in season on your day. Stuff happens. So you stress a bit and then make a new decision - but more often than not- that decision then affects another decision you have to make and maybe even another. And its true that sometimes that third decision down the line is no where close to what you originally wanted. And that's disappointing.

Now - I totally agree that it doesn't mean that things won't work out, that I won't be super happy and that everything will totally come together at the end. I'm sure there are many brides who would say that its the unplanned 3rd decision that ended up being one of the things they were most happy with on the day. But there is a Cinderella-esque illusion that comes with a wedding that everything is going to be perfect. Or that everything is going to be exactly what you wanted. And I guess I fell for it a bit.

Javier and I picked Cville for our wedding spot. It was always what we wanted. For us, the fall was the season - never a consideration that there was another time we would want to celebrate our wedding. And I knew that making these decisions meant that I would be gambling on something I would have no control over, but I think in the back of my mind I thought 'but its our wedding so of course it'll work out. Of course there won't be a game.' (There really is a level of narcissism that comes with this Cinderella complex.) So even though I knew there might be a game - I think I had completely convinced myself that the wedding gods just wouldn't allow my wedding to be affected with a game. I guess the football gods were stronger than the wedding gods in this case....

**Advice Alert** Brides - go in understanding that there will be some aspects of your wedding that you are just not super excited about. Often these things are uncontrollable or the result of two other decisions you made, but maybe going in to the planning knowing that they're coming will make it less shocking when they appear and you have to regroup.

**Advice Alert** Society - don't put pressure on brides to be jumping for joy over every decision they make. (Maybe they're not in love with their DJ, but he had the right price and the day available and in the end that meant he was the winner.) If something isn't working out the way they dreamed, allow them to be sad for a bit.

**Advice Alert** Brides - you're allowed to wallow in the disappointments that you're bound to run into during planning, but only for a set amount of time. (I think I requested 24 hours for this disappointment which means I have roughly 2.5 more hours to wallow.) But then you have to get over it and embrace the next thing. Because all the people saying the 'everything is going to work out' and 'its really the people and the joy that make the day so special' and 'you still get to marry the most amazing man in the world' - are really right.

The Bermuda Triangle

Everyone who has planned a wedding has said that it is super fun. But what they forget to tell you is that at the beginning things are a bit frustrating. You feel slightly lost: there's a lot to be done, and so many directions to start in, so focusing your energy on one can be quite difficult. I'm calling it the Bermuda Triangle effect, and it really hinges on 3 factors: budget, venue, and date. Of course there are more factors than these three that affect everything else that goes into wedding planning, but those are really the big three. When you have your budget set, you know what size of wedding you could have. When you know the size, you know what venues will be large enough. And when you know what venue you want, then you can set your date. Or you can start with a date - perhaps it's one VERY important to you - then you can only work with venues that have that availability. And then you can pick guests - and set your budget - based on the venue size.

**ADVICE ALERT** Commit to one of those three factors and let it govern the rest of your decisions, having a good understanding of the other two.

Audrey and I aren't quite in the clear of the Bermuda Triangle yet. As you all know, we are close to deciding on a venue (come on, you didn't really think I would tell you now, did you??). We don't have a date exactly finalized, but we are pretty sure of when it will be (again, you really think I'd tell you here?!?). So for us, budget was the anchor of our triangle. Sure, there were some venues that were more expensive, and we may have been willing to go with them, but it would have meant cutting back on other parts of the wedding, likely guest list.

Some really great advice that Audrey and I got from a friend is to focus on vendors that can only do one wedding per day. So venue is a big one (unless you're a Vegas chapel), and so is photographer. After we finalize the when and where, we'll focus on the who (as in, who will take photos of us all day?). Stay tuned for more information on that later!